Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. You should die first; get it out of the way. A Death! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Meanwhile at Curley's Hotel on Beach 116th Street, Mary and Patrick Carlin starred in yet another doomed Catholic remake of Rhythm in the Sack. WebBest George Carlin Quotes 1. A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. My mother told me that my father hit her only once. Teach them to question what they read. In fact the preceding six years of my parents' marriage had consisted entirely of long separations, punctuated by sudden brief reconciliations and occasional sex-fests. But we must admit that Irish foreplay consists of little more than "You awake?" Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. The moment anyone gets in a group, gets together for meetings and puts on armbands, he instantly didnt want that, she said. He was ahead of his time and has been an inspiration to upcoming comics for years. It takes up a lot of your time. Maher invoked the comedian George Carlin, He died on June 22, 2008, at Saint Johns Health Center in Santa Monica, California. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning., Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?, I have lots of ideas. It will not be with jack-boots. Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. He was always looking to show off what hed been thinking about at home., https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/11/arts/george-carlin-comedy.html, Illustration by Edmon de Haro; Mark Junge/Getty Images. WebHere are some of our favorite George Carlin quotes on politics. If George Carlin were around now to respond to the questions we have for him, he would have schooled us on both sides and come up with a third-way truth that would have blown our minds, she said. But over the decades, as Carlin watched Americas retreat from Vietnam and its entrance into wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, as corporate power grew more intractable and environmental catastrophe felt unavoidable, his feelings of bitter disappointment flooded into his routines. In efforts to divine his opinion, some Carlin fans pointed to a 1990 interview he gave to Larry King, when he expressed his misgivings about the crude standup of Andrew Dice Clay: His targets are underdogs, and comedy has traditionally picked on power people who abuse their power, Carlin said at the time. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. It's so fuckin' heroic., The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live., We're so self-important. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! It strengthened our immune systems. We are. Hes not a cheese. And if they tell you youre not a team player, congratulate them on being observant. George Carlin. Olbermann confirmed this, saying that Carlin sent him a couple of one-liners about Bush and a sports joke he keeps framed on his wall.). We will not publish or share your email address in any way. I think we are in a time of exponential uncertainty as a species, she said. Nobody owns anything. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. and so very appropriate post 9-11. Welcome back. Gunderson, of the National Comedy Center, described Carlin as a leader who didnt want to hold all the power. The ultimate lesson he had for us, she said, is that we have the unlimited right to challenge everything, to never stop thinking critically about any source of power or any institution even Carlin himself. He was never looking to solve the culture wars or solve Americas problems. I prefer his quote, everyone appreciates your honesty until your honest. Carlins quotes help put our minds at ease by reminding us that it is a natural part of life. Now. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. He is widely regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians, one of the first in the 1960s to use profanity in his routines. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the In his final book, the posthumously published Last Words, Carlin said about The George Carlin Show, "I had a great time. I never laughed so much, so often, so hard as I did with cast members Alex Rocco, Chris Rich, Tony Starke. Quotations by George Carlin, American Comedian, Born May 12, 1937. Brain Droppings, Hyperion. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Those are the sitting in a nursing home, not knowing who you are, and sh!tting in a diaper years. He produced more than 20 albums and made over a hundred appearances in The people who can't afford a good education are more likely to join the military in order to further their education, if they survive, Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes., This should be written in every church every temple every house of every god, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? That approach gave Carlins comedy a longevity that not even the work of his esteemed predecessor Lenny Bruce has attained. George Carlin quotes are hilarious. George Carlin Theres a humorous side to every situation. George Carlin I put a dollar in a change machine. When you die, it all stays here. My mom used to say "if you can't say something nice about someone, come in and I'll put the kettle on". being we're still seeing what happens when you let attention-whores and power mongers do anything they f*****g well want and it's made the world a decidedly shittier place. (My older brother, Patrick, can't say the same.) During his 50-year career, irreverent comedian George Carlin stood in front of his audiences, questioning, condemning, and cutting through what he called "middle class crap." He didnt just make people laugh. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. It seems only right. By the time my father's eager, whiskey-fueled sperm forced its way into my mother's egg-of-the-month club, she was forty and he was forty-eight certainly old enough to be carrying rubbers. George Carlin 11. Deal with it., People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, Hyperion, There is a mistake in the text of this quote. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts.. George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! "Life Is Worth Losing". Theres something about his righteous aggravation its a rare point of view, and its rare that its a natural point of view, said Marc Maron, the comedian and podcaster. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, George Carlin (2002). He is a touchstone shared by the psychologist Steven Pinker, the rapper and actor Ice Cube and people on social media who equate the pandemic with George Orwell novels. George Carlin. 0. yeah this describes me most days. The continuing relevance of Carlins material is partly a result of how he learned to compose and refine it over a career that spanned nearly 50 years. Its difficult to say. We havent tried that for a while. George Carlin One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. It takes up a lot of your time. Those would shine through, even in his darkest stuff.. Share with your friends. Clearly not., Even so, Kelly Carlin said, is it dangerous when a culture wants to shut people down for speech? Some people see the glass half full. Every day we present the best quotes! It will not be with jack-boots. The people are fucked. George Carlin, Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Hey Pandas, What Is Something You Do That You're Not Sure Anyone Else Does? When died, George Carlins net worth was $10 Million. His irreverent jokes and no-holds-barred attitude made him a fan favorite but also landed him in trouble with the law more than once. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. Property is theft. When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. This was when cable tv channels were limited and we didn't have the internet of course! This Artist Reimagines Studio Ghibli Movies Into Stunning Watercolor Paintings, And Here Are 14 Of Them, Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Woman Pays A Lot Of Money For A Comfortable Seat On The Train, Elderly Woman Wants Her To Move, AITA? Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. Thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with us! If youre born in America you get a front row seat., I think people should be allowed to do what they want. His death was a huge loss to the comedy world. Continue with Recommended Cookies. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Whats A Book Or Movie Trope You Cant Stand? Everybodys going to save something now. That's the problem. He was hilarious! As a subscriber, you have 10 gift articles to give each month. I get just a *little* nervous in any state where they mention death right on the license plate. but i prefer pragmatist or agnostically optimistic If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it?, well i dont have to go to the meeting now, The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions., As a fellow American, I can say this is 100% correct, Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music., Never argue with an idiot. What if I want to have a crappy day?, "That'd be easy. Its a natural part of life, but it can be difficult to deal with when someone close to us dies. Others see it half empty. WebGeorge Carlin : The most dramatic one of all has to be New Hampshire's, which says Live Free or DIE! And if they tell you you're not a team player, congratulate them on being observant., I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. Enjoy! This is funny, but if the entire plane were engineered the way black boxes are, it would not be able to fly. Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate We earn from qualifying purchases. They own you. Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. 4. Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. There is nothing wrong with the planet. And Im like, no. Ooops! Could it be that I do is the longest sentence? George Carlin, If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? Everyones like, see? WebWar, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Carlin, the cantankerous, longhaired sage who used his withering insight and gleefully profane vocabulary to take aim at American hypocrisy, died in 2008. 5 - Well researched, answered all my questions. Property is theft. A headline in that Saturday's New York Post said "Hot, sticky, rainy weekend begins. Death may seem like an insurmountable obstacle, but there are plenty of people out there who have found ways around this challenge-including George Carlin himself. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little., If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff?. When you die, it all stays here. George Carlin 02. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. GEORGE CARLIN POST 9-11 (His wife had recently died) Isnt it amazing that the George Carlin gross and mouthy comedian of the 70s and 80s could write something so very eloquent. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity., Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?, That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it., May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house., Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure., I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. On other modern-day topics in which George Carlin surely would have had an incendiary but clarifying take on the Trump and Biden presidencies, social media, Elon Musk or the Marvel Cinematic Universe no matter how much we might wish to know his thoughts, he remains frustratingly out of reach. So while I sprang from something good and positive, by the time I showed up I was a distinct inconvenience. It creates a hostile work environment." Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.. You work forty years until youre young enough to enjoy your retirement. Compared with the people, the planet is doin' great. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past., Electricity is really just organized lightning., If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten., When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands., Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time., Let a smile be your umbrella, and youll end up with a face full of rain., My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Take care of the planet. What do you get at the end of it? He had a pure disdain and loathing for white men in America.. Its still bracing to hear the bitter wordplay in his lament: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it., When he spoke, you always felt like you were hearing the truth, or his truth, said the comedian Bill Burr. But there is an I in independence, individuality, andintegrity. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. He was giving you the truth of what he felt, which most of us dont do. Teach them to question everything. 3. All rights reserved. And in 2017, Popular ethnic slurs to the contrary, the Irish do enjoy sex at least the last ten seconds or so. Not that my conception was the tale of two young lovers, carried away by passion and strong wine. Poor puppy!! He taught me from Day 1 that the Black and brown people have always been oppressed, horribly and systematically, by the owners of wealth, she said. And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. The two of them were crazy about one another. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. That fight was already won, Maron said. Please check link and try again. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Dont give your money to the church. But dont participate; it will be your death. Trouble is, most of them suck., Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out., If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor., One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor., If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?, Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town., The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place., Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life., A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. His wit remains a vivid memory thanks to the many Best Of George Carlin videos on YouTube that also give younger generations the opportunity to know him. Maybe this time itll work. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointedidealist. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. ", The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity., I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.. Using language that would later be echoed by Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump, Carlin observed in a 2005 routine that the interwoven systems of American economy and government were not designed to ensure the prosperity of the average citizen: Its a big club and you aint in it, he said. I was thinking They own all the important land. Now I feel better., Theres a humorous side to every situation. 19 Haunting Pictures That Showcase How The Most Beautiful Places Can Change After Being Abandoned, 30 Y.O. It will be Nikesneakers and Smiley shirts. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, By and large, languageis a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres theself-helpsection? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. George Carlin, I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. He has written many books full of brutally honest sayings and jokes, like Brain Droppings, When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?, Last Words, and more. Imagine you're shot to death and people celebrate your life by wearing tiny gun pendants. I'll keep smoking. Being considered as one of the top Please enter your email to complete registration. Quote by George Carlin: Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, d (?) Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. George Carlin Death, Suicide, Stupid Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. His critical thinking shines on stage and opens your eyes to modern-day problems that most folks are oblivious to. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. Carlins indignant voice feels so impossible to duplicate that quotes he never said and entire essays he didnt write are often wrongly attributed to him. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. We're goin' away. He despised euphemism and the policing of language, reviled what he called the continued puss-ification of the American male and rebuked his countrymen who would trade away a little of their freedom for the feeling the illusion of security.. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. WebTop George Carlin Quotes On Death: 01. Quotes are added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads. Save the planet! Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. They dont fall out of the sky. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. What do you get at the end of it? Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Be happy with what you've got, because the owners of this country don't want that. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. It will not be with jack-boots. I just dont have as many people who believe it., Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, Men are from Earth; women are from Earth. Nobody "owns" anything. George Carlin on Saturday Night Live in 1975. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time,George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. if you think too much, question too much or rabblerouse the numb c***s in charge of your existence and consumption. Some times, talking to yourself, is the only way to have an intelligent conversation. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? And because my mother really loved him. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get firedand get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin, Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. George Carlin, If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, Theres no present. And the supreme arrogance? George Carlin A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed.