I bled for an entire month. Long enough for the funeral guests to go home and everyone to think I was okay I guess. A Muslim mother is unlike other mothers. So, we did a second round. The hardest part for me was the knowing that before my oldest living child, those two 45 day cycles were miscarriages too. You will probably have your next period in 4 to 6 weeks. Being someone of stronger faith now, I would have liked to have heard the term born into heaven its so much more comforting than anything else Ive heard (so thank you for that). That scripture has helped me tremendously in my loss, I hope it provides you with some form of comfort too. He just said he was so very sorry and that he didnt know what to say. What has been most helpful to me is when people listen when I mention my son, when someone says Im thinking of you, when someone mentions my child by name. At that time, someone else told me that we could try again, and while I know that that person loved us and was only trying to encourage us, those words hurt because to me it felt like this baby, this baby we had loved and lost was not important enough to grieve. But I remained silent. Thank you Sara, for acknowledging me and my baby son. We dont know why these babies are taken so prematurely, we just know they are forever molded in our hearts. We didnt do anything permanent thank God. I had my first miscarriage after four regular pregnancies. We did not sue as we wanted God to take His vengeance, since that is His job. I had just turned 6 months pregnant. He asked me if this was my first pregnancy, when I said that I had had a positive home test then had crazy bad bleeding and cramps a week later he said to me. Ive been so sad but want to thank you for reminding me that I will meet and hold him one day???? There was always to be that, I wonder if he/she had lived questioning in my mind. I needed this today. I left flowers at her special place today, and each year little bunnies appear, but today it was a fawn, which seemed so tame, and unafraid even when I walked closer to it. Normally its a 1 in 10,000 chance of happening but apparently theres something wrong with me and it happened twice. I am so sorry for your loss, Andrea. No matter how difficult it is to know what to say or do, I think it is important to show your love and support for the women who experience this kind of a loss. But when I know that they cant know anything about it, it just irritates me and makes me feel misunderstood. The meals hugs and just willingness to sit with us was amazing. She asked how I knew. When youve carried two babies full term and lost two, you just know. We made the decision to bring our baby home with us and we buried her in our garden with a rose bush either side, a stone heart wrapped in a piece of a handmade blanket that had been used for her brothers christenings. Oh, no! The first time, the baby passed out of my body without my knowing it. The 81 days refers to the actual pregnancy and not from your last menstrual cycle (which is used to date the pregnancy). She was absolutely beautiful in every way! Similar to you I delivered a baby after she passed away with cord round her neck at 38 weeks. I remember silently screaming in my head in a room full ofpeople. Views : If the baby had been named, use the babys name. Mommy should go to the hospital and a couple days later bring home a baby. and young alike -- enter Paradise aged thirty-three, and they will not grow will be aged thirty-three in Paradise and will never grow older, and the Those who caused me more hurt (unintentionally and unknowingly, of course) did NOTHING. I was walking on sunshine! Then 12 miscarriages later, it is hard for me to tell people how many children I have. Still dont know why it had to happen, but I see Gods blessings through it all. Shes gotta get it out. Those parent are suffering through the unimaginable and it is such a bittersweet blessing that I can provide them with beautiful images of their precious babies. 02 September, 2020 Short Answer: The destiny of the children who are born after the soul has been blown into them and before they have reached the age of puberty, whether they passed away before birth or after birth, Islam assures that the destiny of We were told by the OB to wait for two months before trying again. But I will choose to say, Blessed be the name of the Lord!!. That was narrated by al-Allaamah Ibn al-Qayyim from Ali ibn Sorry for your loss mama. Im sorry, dear Mama. What Id like to see is more compassion. From that point I was very cautious telling people about my pregnancies. Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) which will She wouldve been 22 today. I had 2 or 3 people reach out to me and say, Im thinking about you. You are a mom. In addition, mothers who have lost their children need not worry about what happened to their babies after they died. I was young and thought crying over just blood was being childish. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided. (2:156-157), The Messenger of Allah (sa) also said:When the child of a person dies, Allah says to His angels: You have taken the soul of the child of My slave? They say: Yes. He says: You have taken the apple of his eye? They say: Yes. He says: What did My slave say? They say: He praised You and said:Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. And Allah says: Build for My slave a house in Paradise, and call it the house of praise.(Tirmidhi; reliable). by ; June 10, 2022 The doctor I chose did the ultrasound because Id been spotting. I couldnt bare the thought of treating him/her like any less than my baby So he/she was cremated despite how small he/she was. One poor mother was telling me yesterday that her family complains that the names she used on the little babies she lost were all the good names, like shes wasted those names on wasted children. Words of comfort and encouragement are good, but dont give me a sermon about how I shouldnt be so sad because God is still in control, He is refining me, He loves my baby more than I do, etc. I miss them so badly. When we lost him to umbilical cord prolapse at full term (41 weeks, 2 days) it was an unbelievable shock. Even while they were working on my son, trying to get him to breathe after he was born I wasnt worried. I wish we could have coffee together right now because I believe YOU, too, can confidently create a healthier home for your loved ones--without becoming exhausted or overwhelmed. Her grief was overwhelming. They said NOTHING. The Lord is with me daily, it is still very hard. The pain never goes away, but it does get easier. I know. Your email address will not be published. I was young and with a not so supportive hubby, my ex shortly after, and really ahd not much idea what was happening. I was able to hold my first child, even though he passed away during birth. I am so sorry for your loss :( Sending up a prayer for you now. It took us 9 years to get pregnant with our first. I also felt like none of my friends were there for me like you explained and I desperately longed for that. anyone among you seen a dream? and whoever Allaah willed would tell him etc. In a strange way it helps to know that others understand what it feels like. My husband and I are firm believers in the Lord and His power so we prayed and others with us. But saying SOMETHING is better than nothing. A living, breathing baby that survived the perils of my womb while I still grieve and mourn for their brother every day, their little smiles and their craziness and laughter help bind the wounds just a little. This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. Fisrt was spotting at 6 wks. If only my baby had lived. For me, talking is coping. According to imam an-Nawawi in his commentary of sahih Muslim ( ) first of all there is/was a dispute about if any little child would go to jannah as there are many hadiths showing that this even wasn't clear for Muslim children. The medical profession has been a Red Herring for life, thriving, wellness and wholeness for me and mine. I recently lost my baby in June at 34weeks. I agree with what others have saidacknowledging that it was a BABY that was lostand would just add that its good to also be sensitive about bringing it up. And it was said that al-damoos refers to the man who My husband and I were in missionary training with several other missionary families, and our dearest friends in our shared apartment were halfway through their pregnancy with their fourth baby. He hesitated to tell us that because Im sure he knew it would hurt us a great deal. I thought I needed to hold it together for my other children, my family, my friends. In some ways I still question it. Two years later I had another miscarriage. I lost my first at 40 weeks, 2.5 years ago. The hell Im not. I have no girls (all boys) so it will be quite a treat to have a little girl one day. I got to have the nausea, the smell aversion, the cramping, and the joy of knowing there was a life growing inside of me. Am glad to read all the posts above and learn how other people have coped with the loss of their dear little angels. etc. 1 pg. My Lilah survived. Lets make a Scriptural case: In Jeremiah 1:5, God tells the prophet, Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you. I just feel such regret and guilt. It may sound strangebut the experience, although hard, left a bittersweet impression. My husband doesnt believe they were miscarriages. Hugs, Mama! I hadnt felt the baby move. You bringing it up will, however, remind her that other people remember and that other people care. I began to have memory problems. not just a pregnancy. I was at work in a teen clinic, surrounded by girls who didnt want to be bothered enough by their babies to breastfeed them. A lot of people didnt know what to say, which I get, so they didnt say anything. For anyone who has had this experience I am truly sorry and pray for all of your hurt and sadness. As a mom who has experienced miscarriage, I love that you can admit that you DONT know what to say and DONT have any answers. Most of our friends are pregnant or have just had children since our loss and it was hard. My mom might have had one or two as she ran later always and soemtimes had horrible cramping and huge clots. You could count fingers and toes and see the eyes. a And be understanding when we arent there. Now things are different. Every year on the day we lost him we plant forget-me-nots. The loss of my child was hard enough and I was overwhelmed with trying to clean a house, keep up with laundry, go grocery shopping. They were asked by my in-laws, who are incredible. WebMiscarriage is taboo in many cultures, often hidden away, even a thing to be ashamed of. And I agree, one of the worst feelings was feeling alone even in the presence of others. And wondering what I should do, I ask the Heavens above to forgive me I can now say I am content to have however many children the Lord wants us to have. I needed to know that they were there for me and by saying nothing, I didnt feel that they were. The spotting, which shed never encountered before! of children I had ever seen Then among things that the two angels I hear so many hurtful things from people who think they are helping. Please mention them and check to see how we are. I reached out to her though we had moved far away and I heard through the grapevine about. That has brought me great peace. Two days later we visited the kids at the campground on the way home and every one of the 400+ people at the camp signed a huge homemade card my husband and I. I was so moved. I had only known for a few days that i was pregnant. At this time, remind yourself that if Allah means for something to happen, it will. Loosing a child is difficult at 3 weeks is hard enough. I had a normal healthy pregnancy so when I went into my 20 week ultrasound I had no worries just was excited to find out my babys gender. Erin, Id like to thank you for having the courage to follow what God put on your heart. Ive resigned myself to that. Two years later I had my first miscarriage, then the next year I had a little girl, Rachel, who was stillborn. There is no timeline and everyone processes things differently. This verse has brought me comfort: Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. We do not know, so we should not pretend that we do! My husband was great and, with the exception of my best friend, I never revealed I had a miscarriage. But to answer your question, yes you can have whatever you wish. When my sister was 3 she asked where her sister was. ZamZam Cured The Tumor Of A Man, Read His Story! On the second day I went into the er and was told his heart stopped Beating. I would read one paragraph over and over again because I could not focus on the words I was reading and would forget what I had just read by the time I was done with the paragraph. Sometimes a woman just needs a reminder that it is NOT her fault. I hope and pray that I have said the supportive words that they needed to hear. There were a few who also said the wrong things, but I knew they were trying to help. I guess you could say I had an opposite reaction I grieve the baby we dont get to hold and give as a gift to our daughter for her birthday (the new baby was due about a week from her birthday and I tend to run late) but Im also okay with what happened. But naive as I was, I thought she was fine. What is the best way for moms who have not experienced this to minister to you? Those who blessed me most did things for me that would be done for a mom who loses an older child brought meals, flowers, called or messaged to ask how I was. Everyone else around me is pregnant and having babies. I couldnt even look up, let alone talk about my story. You already have children. I went for my 12 week ultrasound and the baby was dead. And I couldn't think of my baby being thrown out as medical waste. When I got my second cycle after Danny was gone, I was broken. And as far as being a woman coping with this loss, just remember that we arent supposed to understand everything The Lord does. We will be together again one day. In times like these, that you truly learn who your friends are. After reading your post it brought me to tears, knowing and being comforted that Jesus Was the first person to meet him or her. Even though the death of his son very saddened him, our Prophet remained strong and believed that Allah knew that he was strong enough to face this ordeal. My baby was born premature healthy, but just too tiny. Webwill i see my miscarried baby in jannah Follow us. I talked with my OB about it at my visits because everyone else simply told me to get over it or the anxiety isnt good for the baby and that was it. WebOur story. I dont like feeling silly talking about my baby. My brothers told their kids there is another cousin in heaven and his name is Peter Bruce. Sadly, we missed the week of camp with our kids and we were three hours away from home in the hospital, so not many family members were able to be with us but I dont look at it as a bad thing. I can relate to what you are saying about your husband. I gave birth to our Sweet Baby Elijah on November 21, 2013. I understand the sentiment, but nothing could have upset me more. My Vanderbilt educated RN mother did not pay attention to what her OB gave her for a high-risk hypothyroid pregnancy in 1956, even though my mother was well aware that my older sister had been exposed to DES (Silent Thalidomide) several years earlier in the womb. world are not barred from entering upon women and no one hides away from Just because he may not have had a heartbeat he was still a life and I believe the moment life is formed so is the soul. I just lost my second baby this week at 16 weeks. But I still wonder if I have a tiny baby in Heaven. He looked so lifeless. I was 19 years old when I got pregnant I am now 20. I hope you are filled with peace today! I have 4 children, the youngest (12 wks) was born into heaven. I had a good friend give me attitude about it when I was telling her. I have lost two babies this year due to miscarriage. A lot of people asked my husband how I was doing, but never contacted me. I had a healthy daughter, so when I got pregnant again 5 years later I didnt have any reason to think anything would go wrong. A proxy baptism? But if Id lingered in earths shadows Heres the thing yes, we kept trying and yes we got pregnant again. My two were first trimester and it seemed like people didnt understand why I was so upset. Id so hoped I would be by the time the anniversary of my babys death arrived. Call out to Allah and supplicate to Him to ease your pain, for though you loved this child very much, remember that Allah loves you seventy times as much! My first two months werent so good I was bleeding a little here and there so we all expected a miscarriage but shockingly that didnt happen my doctor was sure that everything was good. All I know is that God choose to take him/her home to Heaven. 2005-2023Everyday Health, Inc., a Ziff Davis company. I had an early miscarriage, at least Im pretty sure. At the time, she was 5 months pregnant with her 7th child. Wow! al-Qadeer, 4/194; something similar was stated in Mirqaat al-Mafaateeh Another set of friends came by washed the dishes and have our 22 month old her bath because my husband and I couldnt find the energy to do it. This would have been my first son. What a testimony to the sweet life that was lived out only in the womb. But actually, Islam teaches us about miscarriage openly and beautifully. My two little babies, gone before I even knew they were there. Or I to recognize them. This post surprised me by making me cry. Note that once you confirm, this action cannot be undone. Both experiences were very very different. and I had to have it like I was having a live birth. Answer: Alaykum S alam, See Miscarriage Loss of a child at Living Islam. (3 on earth and 3 in heaven) Babies #2 (7 weeks along), #5 (6 weeks along), & #6 (9 weeks along a subchorionic hemorrhage seems to be the reason for this miscarriage) are in heaven. children -- if they die after the soul has been breathed in and before Do not despair and remember the story of Zakariya (as) who had a child in old age when he supplicated to his Lord: O my Lord! Just because Im suffering with one a trial doesnt mean I cant rejoice in your blessing. WebAnswer 1) Sayyiduna Ali (radiyallahu anhu) reports that Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: The miscarried fetus will plead with its Rabb if his parents are admitted to Jahannam. ', referring to the nuclear power plant in Ignalina, mean? I still miss him. God knows our babies before we even know of their existence. She had gone for her prenatal visit alone while her husband attended classes. Of course not. I would love my child no matter what!). I want to believe that God is my Comfort, my Strength, my Shelter, my Healer. I say if you want to help someone who going through this just be there and keep tell them they did nothing to do this and love them and let them talk to you even if they sound like like they said what they saying over and over all ready. I guess what helped most were when someone who had lost a child just said I know because I knew they did. We now have a two year old daughter in addition to our five year old daughter. Some people question Gods existence in hard times, but it is BECAUSE of those times, I KNOW He is real. Comfort them when they admit to that fear. I believe the most hurtful thing anyone said to me was at church as her two beautiful children where running around playing a lady told me I know exactly how you feel I lost one. Sometimes Im still stunned that some people dont consider the daughter I lost as my child or that I am already a mom. Also in 2 Samuel David says after losing his baby that although his child cannot come back to him that he can go to his child (meaning heaven). To those who have experienced loss, rest in the words of Psalm 63: Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. Practical ways are good too! Most of them avoided us. Once again I was so excited but sooo nervous. God take one and gave me one. Honestly, without God I probably would have lost my sanity. The year before I had been just a couple months pregnant with a healthy growing baby boy.. a boy who was born, whose bedside I was at night and day in the NICU, who I held, and fed, and changed his tiny diaper. Mandy, Im sorry that a mother who lost a child 25 years after birth minimized the pain you were feeling. Mine had to dig a grave by himself in the snow the day after Christmas. I am so, so sorry youre going through this, Jayssika! As my firstborn was only about seven months old, we gleefully discussed all things baby together. I am going to keep my response short. I had my D&C over a week ago and the recovery has been rough. Easter came and went and I sobbed. I am trying to figure out the logistics, so my son knows he is not forgotten, and he has a Name. Do not be afraid of making us cry; we cry anyway. My boyfriend now,, told me that God doesnt hear those kinds of prayers. Ironically, this post is dated October 4, 2013 the day we found out we had miscarried. My friendmy dear, dear friendMy friend whose dear baby we had all touched on her belly. Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. I have a dear friend who just experienced a still-birthand her baby was full-term. They all meant so much. losing is very hard. I was there when we buried him, but most of that horrible burden was on his shoulders. Will miscarried or aborted children go to heaven? Three months later I was overjoyed to discover I was pregnant again. Allah have mercy on him), but he favoured the view that these children who Sat 22 Apr 2023 09.07 EDT. Some said it was just a fetus that hurt. Its absolutely the worst thing to hold your beautiful, lifeless baby in your arms. I have come to peace with God since then. God gives each of us different trials and blessings. I couldnt get excited because I was afraid. The most helpful things from other people? And although I do believe delivering a stillborn baby is a bit different from having a miscarriage I do think we are all united in grief and loss. I was so lonely that pregnancy and so scared. If a woman in Jannah ever disagrees with and/or has an argument with her husband, will Allah remove that woman from Jannah? Its so hard to see everyone else getting what I so desperately want. With the first miscarriage I started spotting at 9 weeks. Jeremiah 1:5 - "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.." Absolutely he is in heaven. Suffered none of earths sharp pain. Required fields are marked *. its one more than I had before. Its perfect for him bc thats exactly what he was. And since its only the 2nd pregnancy in 8 years of doing nothing to prevent pregnancy, I doubt that I will have another one. I was cautiously optimistic, but a week later it was over. All our friends have had children and we have had all the remarks that you would all have heard too. The day before my appointment, in the early hours of September 11, 2011 I woke up in the worst pain. Our little boy was born into this world never touched by the sin of it. You will be more appreciated than you will ever know. But of course I totally understand that people just dont know what to say just like I dont know what to say to someone who has lost a parent or a spouse, because I havent experienced it! I really wanted a baby. Im in the process of losing a child and Im being asked to pray for them? . Im so sorry for your friends loss. The flashback of sitting there after 18 hours of contractions and cramping watching my body bleed the remains of my baby . I wont try to ask God why? because Im convinced He does things we will never fully understand until we get to Heaven. Praying for you in your pain. I did not want to talk about the loss, only to my husband. Damoos also refers to the I got pregnant again not long after with my son Peter. Cant afford it. This fact does not erase the fact that someone is always missing. I LOVE that the lady acknowledged that! From a campaign that began in a spare cupboard in St Thomas Hospital, Tommys is now the largest UK charity researching the causes and prevention of pregnancy complications, miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth. And the first part of dealing with it is to accept that. You will always, always, have this child in your heart and he will never be forgotten. Love, compassion and empathy are all thats needed. The physical toll was nothing compared to the emotional one that my husband and I went through the following weeks. Al-Nihaayah, 2/279. I have an email that I have opened for supporting other women through miscarriage. I think the important thing to remember is, we all have a story so, be kind w your words and actions. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); document.getElementById( "ak_js_2" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Maisah is a Muslimah and journalist for The Islamic Information based in Indonesia. I appreciate this post. With my ectopic I lost the whole tube and I was much farther along. I pray all the time for strength, peace, and trust in God, but honestly I still feel extremely grief stricken and broken. The whole time I held him all I could do was smell him. Dont ever expect us to get over it. Will I be stuck with the same parents and family forever in Jannah? My living daughter is my second, the next will be my third and so on, but it doesnt end. My husband and I got pregnant with our first child, got home from a baby appointment, feeling fine, 6 hours later we where at the ER. I share photos of my son Peter. 235, Hadith: 548 and Hadith: 549. children in al-Barzakh and at the time of resurrection and reckoning on the But she was so excited and had to be involved in my pregnancy. Ask if you can bring a meal next Tuesday, or can you clean their bathroom for them, etc. I have one aunt of my moms 5 sisters whod miscarried and two cousins. Honestly I feel like I am being avoided by many people and they may have their reasons but more than anything I truly want a friend, someone that will listen..be here for me.pray with me. She lost hers at 12 weeks. Also, I want you to know that its OK to grieve. That always helps to be able to give back. I was only 22 weeks and he had stopped growing. The Mothers day after he passed came around and I was greeted with silence.. because people didnt want to bring it up.. they didnt want to upset me, or remind me. admit them to Paradise by Allahs mercy towards them: It was narrated that Abu Hassaan said: I said to Abu Hurayrah: